Buoyed by last week’s victory, we’re all keen for tonight’s quizzing action. Oli and Stu are fed up with me being late every week, so I tell them I will buy them both dinner if I get there even a second after 8.45pm. I arrive at 8.50, but luckily they are both later and I can pretend to have won the bet.

So, will tonight see a second victory on the trot? By about the fourth question we think it’s already clear that it won’t, and by the end of the second round we know we’re not even in with a chance of the money. Our aim now is just to avoid humiliation. At least by starting off near the bottom of the field we can avoid the usual slump in form.

The beer round requires us to guess which is longer of six pairs of Wikipedia articles. We spend a long time trying to work out what would be longer out of Charles and Diana, and Mercury the planet and mercury the metal, arguing like there is some logical way to work it out when really we all know this is pure guesswork. We manage to guess four out of the six, but other people have managed to get five, and we enter the last half of the quiz drinkless. By the fourth round, we’re more than 20 points off the lead. We decide that if we score more than half of whatever the winning team gets, we’ll consider that a moral victory. When the scores are read out, our final tally is 33 points, and the winners have 64. We are so happy that everyone else in the pub thinks we’ve won and give us evils.

Evil Patrick is on the winning team, and to no-one’s great surprise but everyone’s despair and disappointment, his number comes up in the snowball yet again. Luckily he doesn’t win it this time, and the pot will roll over. Next week’s quiz will be set by a crack team of UCL graduates and will be a tremendous evening for sure.

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